Shit! I have to hurry up!
It's time to work! Come on!
Good morning, Ivy!
Do you want to run? Come out!
Let me get your milk!
We used to do it everyday, come on.
Come out now.
You are so rich in milk!
I wish I would marry a wife like you, so she can milk me everyday!
Young master,
your milk please.
Change the bed sheet!
No.
Just throw the bed away and buy a new one tomorrow.
Yes sir.
Come on down!
Hey, take a morning bath!
Wash your hair, OK?
Who is going to wash my legs today?
Me.
Don't wash anything else.
Tell me, am I smart?
Sure! You are so smart!
Young Master. . .
Old master called that he would come to visit you two days later.
Tell him to bring me a million US dollars.
Is that enough?
So, just tell him to bring more.
Yes.
Daddy, I am a good boy, I miss you,
I am now going to school,
bring two million US dollars to me please.
Sorry...
Where is my ladder?
Here it is!
Have some ice-cream.
Green color matches your clothes.
What is this?
Chocolate.
Green color should match with yellow color!
Have can you match with black color?
Sorry.
One two. Look at my shoes.
Three four, knock at the door.
Five six, pick up sticks.
Nine ten. . .
See! The black girl wears stripe underwear!
Yeah!
Wong Siu Fu?
Yes, I can tell from his ass.
Stop him.
Where can you go?
Brother Sing, I am here waiting for you.
Sorry
for burning all your hair last time.
That made you tattoo your eyebrow & wear wigs. I regret so much!
Never mind, since my family is working for your dad!
And I am good looking now!
You are really good looking!
I can't stand you!
Come on, have some chocolate.
Brother Sing, I don't need it.
This is cathartics, I tried that before.
When did you become so smart?
I can't help, let's go.
Young master, are you letting him go?
I can't help! See, how smart he is now!
I can't fool him any more.
I lost two hundred dollars.
Isn't it stolen?
Call the police now!
I have recorded the numbers.
You are smart!
How is the taste of the note?
It's made of cathartics too.
It melts in mouth and will be effective in 5 seconds!
You are trapped!
Hold it. . .
Not until he is shitting!
Go!
Jump!
Do you know it's dangerous to do so?
Who are you? Who is your boss?
My uncle is Professor Chang Sze of this college.
I am studying here.
I have told them not to let ugly women study here!
That's right.
You know, I bribed them so as to enter this college.
You are too ugly, even bribery won't help! Go.
Go.
Go now!
Go.
Bastard!
But I am smart!
You are not smart at all.
What?
You are not smart at all.
What did you say? How can you tell such lies?
Can you face your conscience?
Forget it. . .
How can you face your parents?
Don't argue.
How can you face your country?
You'd better call a press conference to apologise.
Or, I will kill you! You know?
Human bodies are the most fantastic things in the world.
In my class,
you are studying the most advance subject about it.
That is the imitating function & adaptability of human bodies.
It's like some lizards,
it imitates the color of the surroundings.
And human beings have the same function.
Young master, after you.
What are you staring? Go on teaching!
Get out.
Now, I am giving you an example.
Say, a couple.
When they have stayed for a long time.
Their appearances will be alike.
They said, it's the couple look.
In fact, this is the effect of human genes which imitate each other.
What do you want to ask?
I always stay with women,
how come I haven't become women?
Human bodies are weak.
I believe that,
one day, our organs will be replaced by artificial organs.
What only left will be our brains.
Our organs will be controlled by computers.
We will have strong imitating power to imitate anyone.
Or anything.
Can we change to be a cigar?
According to theory, yes.
You seem to be interested in this topic.
In fact, I am interested in you.
An ugly girl told me that you are her uncle.
So I come here to see how cocky you are!
Now, I'm going to start the dissection.
If you can stand it for three minutes,
we will go ahead to discuss other questions.
OK, I am now going to dissect the body.
What's he doing?
He's really crazy!
You're really great!
You are the only one. . .
who can tolerate such long time in my class.
Damn it!
I won't give it a damn.
If only you open your eyes,
I would admit that you are really bold!
It's a shame to be scared like this!
I'm scared to piss! May I be excused?
Are you scared?
Who do you think you are? If you have guts, finish the food.
My dad is the director of this college, I'll ask him to fire your uncle.
And kick you out of the school.
And sell you to be bar girl to perform strip dance.
When you are dancing,
I'll ask the bar manager to fire you again.
No one can fire me.
I am a senior scientific consultant employed by the US Gov't.
I am a guest professor here.
Well, since I can't fire you,
I will steam you!
I can't imagine you are. . .
the most disgusting guy in this college.
I am all eyes!
What do you mean? My father is the director of this college.
If your father wasn't the director,
you would have been beaten to death.
Shut up!
If you have guts, tell others that your father isn't the director.
We'll wait and see the result.
I won't give it a damn!
My father isn't the director,
so what?
That bastard! He made me be beaten like shit!
I'll take revenge tonight.
Yeah...
Left. . .
Right...
No.
Be careful.
You hurt me!
Sorry, are you alright, young master?
Should I give you some medicine?
Get lost!
Go upstairs and take a look.
Young master, the laboratory shouldn't be upstairs.
It should be built in the basement.
Here is like a lab.
Here it is, young master.
What a big basement! We'll have a lot of fun here!
Place one here.
If anyone steps on this animal trap,
he would either die or become handicap.
Where are you going?
In case he missed the trap,
the banana skin here will help him to step on it.
Wise guy!
Thank you.
It's fixed.
Remove these tubes
and piss in.
Great.
Young master. . .
I've just seen a hand "running"!
Just piss!
If I cheat you, my family line will end.
I don't think you'll have any sons.
Even yes, he should be a handicap.
Not exactly.
What are you staring at?
Young master. . .
I've just seen a pair of eyes.
Just a pair of eyes which are staring at me.
Staring at you?
Yes.
What do you want me to do?
I just want to ask you...
the same question?
If I were you,
I would stab into it.
Do you want me to show you how?
Stare at me, come on.
No, thanks.
Shit!
What's this?
What's up?
What is he staring at? Isn't it what you have just seen?
Yes, they're the eyes I have just seen.
Stab it!
Go to hell.
How are you doing?
What's up?
I don't know! What's that?
Let me handle it.
It's not successful.
Gently... gently please.
Stop! Don't go.
Police, freeze!
I've got you!
Come out.
I asked you to come out.
Kid, what are you doing here?
Show me your I.D. card.
I haven't brought it.
Help!
Wait for me...
Help....
Check it.
OK, OK! Don't worry, we'll handle it, calm down.
Mr. Lee, we have found for half an hour.
But we can't find the walking hand which you have mentioned.
And the eyes too.
Not even a ghost.
Shit!
My fellow's ass was almost stabbed by that hand.
It did stab into my ass, two inches! Two inches deep in my ass.
4 inches altogether.
4 inches!
This student of mine is having great imagination.
Just let him play.
Professor, I suspect that you are a crazy maniac.
I believe that you killed many innocent people.
And you chopped off their hands. . .
for cruel scientific experiment.
You are so wise!
But you can't prove anything.
You'd better find the hands and legs first.
What are you doing here?
The hand is a sex maniac.
I think it must be a male's hand.
So, I pretend to be a female hand to seduce it.
Send two persons there to have a look.
I'll take two up there and check it out.
- Tat, get the finger prints. - Yes sir.
I am the in-charge here, behave yourself.
Young master. . .
My father is...
Young master. . .
Bye bye.
If you are free, come to my class tomorrow.
Young master, why did you hit me?
Why did you forget the secret code?
There isn't anyone outside.
That professor must be a crazy killer.
I disclosed his secret, he will come to kill me, you know?
Ortherwise, why should I ask you to find someone to protect me?
And, I asked you to employ bodyguards.
Not model!
Yeah.
They just put their hands on their waists, how can they protect me?
They are just models.
What?
Time's up,
leave now.
Yes sir.
What do you mean?
They are blind.
Since no one is willing to work for you in Hawaii.
So, I have to employ some blind men to be models. . .
So. . .
When I count to three,
I will kick you out if I still see you again.
Three!
Why didn't you count one two?
Master.
I want to give him a big surprise.
Dad?
My son!
Mon.
Son.
How is your health?
Are you alright?
I am fine,
a master taught me great Kung-fu.
So, when you hit me,
the rod bend, but I am fine.
Now, I haven't any sore throat, and didn't vomit blood.
Everything is alright.
But, I think I am a bit crazy now.
It's true.
Yeah.
Should I show you?
See, I think I am a bit crazy.
What's wrong with you?
Stop scolding me, Emperor Tsun is coming to attack us.
Hold it, I want to save others.
Should we take a look?
The enemies are coming, get ready.
I'll open the door to shift the enemy's attention.
You, go to his back and beat him.
Hi.
Watch out!
Miss, are you alright?
I am fine.
Who is he?
I don't know, may be a thief.
What do you want?
My name is Bonnie,
I live next to you.
Well, my bathing tub is out of order.
Kidding?
May I use yours to take a bath?
I usually wash right here.
Shampoo, conditioner, anything you want.
And, there is a cleaning brush under the water.
Not bad.
By the way, you are so fast to take off your clothes!
Usually I use lesser time to take off other's clothes.
I don't believe it.
Isn't it called diving?
Watch!
Whose stuff is it?
That's mine.
Miss, don't you worry you would be teased?
Be careful of the bark dogs!
Your dad fainted.
He will wake up if I give him more strikes.
Go and take a look.
Let me help you to wash your back.
It seems to be something for washing toilet.
Yeah, I am washing toilet now.
You are so bad.
You don't remember your dad's name now!
By the way, I have forgotten.
Madam, you look familiar to me,
who are you?
I wish I had given birth to a bun instead of you.
Having me was the side effect only.
You were enjoying the process of making me.
You're right.
You've almost finished your bath.
What's next?
I haven't got any idea.
But if someone helps, me to wash my toes,
maybe, I will have some ideas.
What's this?
Mental illness drop.
What's that?
LSD!
Yeah!
What are you doing?
Do you want to vomit it?
I want to see what brand it is.
For I want to buy some more for sudden use.
No, I have many of it. Come on!
Yeah!
Good evening, what can I serve you?
7 Tequila.
That's Tequila mixed with seven-up.
No! 7 Tequila.
7 glasses for each.
Yeah.
Do you think I am stupid?
Ladies and gentlemen!
Now it's the time you've all been waiting for,
the world's most famous twist contest!
Yeah!
First, let's see who our champions will be tonight.
The winners will receive a mystery prize.
Why not go dancing?
I don't know how to dance.
If you win, I will sleep with you tonight.
Bonnie, you have mistaken me.
I am not a wolf.
Understand?!
Hug me.
Why are you so hot now?
My husband is here.
Really?
Turn and have a look.
He is walking towards the bar table.
Over ten men are walking over there, are they all your husbands?
No, the rest are the bodyguards of him.
Are your husband operating a security company?
No, he is a boss.
Really?
What company?
He is the boss of Japanese triad gang.
Yeah.
Bye bye.
I know how's the result.
The winners are Mr. Lee Chak Sing and his lovely lady.
Wait, give the lady a kiss, give the lady a kiss!
I've got the betrayer.
You are so bad! Why didn't you drive?
Why don't you talk?
Are you sleeping?
What's wrong with you?
How are you?
Don't faint!
Have are you?
No...
Where is it?
I don't care!
Yes, he is having trouble.
I've prepared everything, come here now.
I beg you.
When I arrive, he will be dead, fix him first.
This isn't your first time!
I didn't know how to do it.
I have no experience!
You should learn it now.
If he dies in your place, you will be finished.
I will get the handbook to instruct you,
wait.
Have you located the mark?
Yes, it is.
He over took drugs.
So caused heart weakness.
To prevent expansion.
You have to do him some injections to stimulate his heart.
So as to save him.
Kidding?
Try. You've no choice!
Have you got the needle?
Yes.
Forget anything, but stab in.
You've waken.
Yes.
But the woman fainted.
Where was the needle?
It's stabbed into the left hand side under my belly.
9 out of 1 0 men's dicks are placed on the left,
how about yours?
I am lucky, I am the tenth one,
it's placed on the right.
Congratulations.
But my ball is on the left.
Well, bye bye.
None of my business!
Forgive me, it's not done by me.
No, no. . .
You bastard!
I gave you so much money!
I just wanted you to amend something in government's computer.
How dare you betray me?
Boss, don't kill me! Don't kill me. . .
Boss, you speak fluent Cantonese.
I always talk to my girl lately.
That's why I have enough practice.
I'll handle you first.
Don't kill me...
So, should I listen to you?
If yes, how can I be the boss?
Give me one more chance. . .
Alright, I will give you another chance.
So as to let you die with no regrets.
When the bitch and his adulterer come back,
catch them and throw them to the sea.
To feed the fish.
Get him.
Yes.
Shit.
Fuck.
What does that mean?
What are you doing?
You said a walking hand was found in Professor Chang's home.
Now, you said someone is going to kill you.
Get out.
Mom, this is shit!
What a big trouble!
- Let me tell you. - Let me tell you.
Someone wants to kill me!
This isn't a big deal, I have something to tell you.
I know!
You want me to study hard.
I always study hard.
No, I have something new to tell you.
Your dad, Lee Yat-fai, isn't your father at all.
I know.
Tat is my dad.
How do you know it?
I hit dad and he went crazy, but I didn't hit you!
What made you to be crazy then?
Crazy?
Don't you think I am really crazy?
You bitch! You disclosed your secret!
That's why I know you aren't my son.
I've suspected that for ages.
My nick-name is "Handsome Valentino"!
But. . .
my son looks like shit!
I know nothing!
Anyway, I want 2 million.
Who gives me 2 million, I will take him as dad.
I have two hundred dollars.
Two million.
Please go back to wash toilet.
25 years ago,
one night, I was reading sex novels in the store room.
Your mom rushed in, she wore nothing but turned off the light.
Mind your tongue.
I did wear something, I mean the socks.
Sorry.
You wore a pair of white socks.
Old master went out on that night.
I couldn't control myself and I...
When I turned on the light, I regretted so much!
So, why did you read the sex novel?
Shut up, stop saying anything!
Stop!
If a son hits his dad, he will be hit by thunder.
Who said he is my sad? Why should I believe it?
Do you have any proof?
It's shown in the movie that,
if a dad kneels in front of his son, his son will feel dizzy.
Really? So, just try, see whether I will feel dizzy or not.
Kneel down.
See? Feeling dizzy now!?
I am fine! Don't you believe it?
Stop messing up,
I have bright future.
Here is a cheque of 2 million.
If you take me as your dad,
I will forget everything and you will have further benefits.
Otherwise. . .
You can tell the result.
No...
Don't take the cheque. . .
Thank you dad.
You are my good son.
The wise guys should know how the wind blows.
This is not filial!
No.
Get out.
I don't mind you not admitting me as your dad.
Get lost!
I always spoil you, in fact, it's a harm to you.
Mind your tongue, or I will call the police to arrest you.
Be honest.
You are a very disgusting person.
Stop!
I hope you would know how to respect people from now on.
So, others will respect you.
Damn!
Get lost, bastard!
You are bastard.
I am your dad, so I can scold you.
How dare you?
Hello.
Are you confessing?
Don't you scare?
I won't give it a damn.
See my teeth?
Aren't you happy?
How can I get happy after seeing you?
I'd better leave.
Please, hurry up.
Hello.
Come here.
I have a friend.
For money, he just ignored his own dad.
Then?
That's it.
- I am leaving. - Wait. . .
He kicked his dad out of his home.
And gave him a heavy kick.
At that moment, it was pouring & with thunder storm.
What do you feel about this guy?
Worse than animal.
But he is really handsome.
That's better.
Otherwise, he should be shot to death.
I just want to ask one more question.
Don't you think I am smart?
I, Chung Chung, swear here.
You are not handsome at all.
He is alone tonight.
Damn!
Move it.
They are here.
Do you want to call 91 1 for the police?
May I?
Up to you.
What is the number?
Sorry!
Who turned off the light?
Don't go!
Why are you standing here?
I didn't know he would bump against me.
Go and get him.
This house is too big.
I think I'll blow it up.
Watch me.
And!
Yeah.
Why are you back?
I haven't left.
Don't move.
Take the gun here.
Don't do anything mad.
Give it to me slowly.
Hurry up!
Don't pull off a stunt, I tell you.
Don't you think...
I can't see your cunning eyes behind the glasses?
Don't do anything stupid.
Give me your gun.
You've got it.
OK!
Don't move!
Don't mess up, I have got your friend.
This is what I want to tell you.
Your boss is with me.
Well, let's change our hostages.
Damn you!
Let me friend go.
Or, I will shoot him to death.
OK, OK.
Why do you kneel down?
He is my son, he can't stand it!
He feels dizzy for I kneel down in front of him!
Hello, goodbye.
That stupid guy doesn't know how to use gun, but bomb only.
He has made a big mistake this time.
Watch!
He left a knife.
Do you remember we have a spring toilet?
The one which is used to fool Wong Siu-fu?
It's just next to you.
Oh!
How many people can it serve each time?
One.
Don't worry,
we still have couple of hours.
Wear your glasses!
Just 1 0 seconds are left.
You can't cut the chain by the knife.
Chop off my hand and leave as soon as possible!
You needn't teach me that.
I haven't treated you nice in my life.
Now, I will pay everything back to you.
Dad.
My dear son.
Sit down!
Chung Chung, are you alright?
I am fine.
Have you had a nightmare?
Yes. I saw Sing being blown up in my dream.
What a horrible dream!
Aren't you hating him?
Why did you think of him in your dream?
In fact, I hate him.
I know, I remember a psychiatrist said,
those bad guys have special attraction to women.
In fact, he isn't that bad.
He went to the church for confession.
He just loves face, he doesn't want me to tease him.
He is so poor, for he hasn't any friends.
He is a smart guy.
Otherwise,
he can't think of so many tricks to fool others.
Yes.
Doctor Chang please.
Speaking.
A patient called Lee Chak-sing
is blown to death.
Come to the hospital now.
What's up?
What you saw isn't a dream.
It's real.
Professor...
How is my son?
Stay calm.
From the medical point of view,
your son is dead.
What?
But to me...
He is halfly dead.
What do you mean?
Dad, are you here?
Why only his lips are left?
Right.
Did professor tell you anything?
Now, all my blood and flesh are gone.
Just the brain and lips are left.
Take a rest.
Don't say so much!
Now, I have to tell you a good news and a bad news.
What?
The good news is, I've mentioned the artificial organs, right?
Now, it's successfully invented by the US government.
You may keep two original organs.
For the rest, you can replace them with artificial organs.
So, we can rebuild your son's body.
Do it now.
This is Doctor Quency, the chief doctor of this hospital.
How are you?
This is my son,
please save his life.
Listen to me, I have a bad news too.
He wants 60 million US dollars for the operation.
Sorry, I don't have that much.
How can you do the operation then?
It doesn't matter, I will call his wealthy father.
I understand.
You'd better talk to him directly.
Sing, I have much money.
But I don't want you to see Tat again.
Otherwise, I won't treat you as my son any more.
Let's stop any communication.
In fact, I've made up my mind in these days, Mr. Lee.
Let's forget each other from now on.
Alright, since you don't listen to me,
just go to hell.
Why are you so stupid?
Oh Jesus, you're wasting any time. I can't believe it.
He is so practical! Not merciful at all.
I don't have that much money. I can only afford $6000 dollars.
Do you have 6 thousand?
OK, I will give you a hand, a free hand!
We may do it in a cheaper way,
Dare you try?
The sweat!
It's fixed.
What a hard time for you!
Eat while it's still hot.
Great...
The noodle that I made will make you never forget.
He looks so angry, let him eat first.
My dear son, have the noodle first.
I am not in the mood.
The operation can be claimed a success.
His look has almost been recovered.
But not the face.
A square face is always smart looking.
Will it be too smart?
It's OK.
Just take a look first.
What?
I have to eat my noodles first.
Be frank.
How can you say OK?
It's cheap, don't be so mean!
I wanna kill myself.
Calm down!
Professor, you should take it seriously!
Help, fix him first.
OK.
Look.
You look handsome now!
That's your original look.
Thank you, Professor.
This is what I should do.
But I think my hands are of different length.
Everyone's hands are not of same length.
But, they varies too much!
So?
It's cheap, don't be so mean!
I'd better kill myself.
Professor,
are you fooling us?
How can you provide such hand for him?
Don't you think we are fools?
Stay calm. . .
Calm? How can I calm down?
Trust me...
Do you want me to believe you again?
You are lucky.
In this month, over 1 00 pairs of hands are dumped.
I've tried my best to find you a perfect pair of hands.
Try.
It's OK.
Really?
Yes!
Yes.
What?
I am sorry. What are dumped in this month are. . .
only hands!
They are cheap.
Don't be so mean!
Left hand.
Right leg.
Yeah.
So great!
Congratulation, professor.
It's really perfect.
I said it would be OK, right?
Congratulation!
Stop.
I can't stop!
Damn you!
When will he stop?
I think...
He will stop after the battery is used up.
Out of battery now!
Come on.
The electronic organs can't be adapted easily,
so he lost control.
He will be alright soon.
And he has to eat battery daily.
Don't get your body wet.
Or, you can't move.
I want to piss.
Help yourself.
He can only eat battery.
What's this?
This is for urination, after using it, just close it.
Please find a better looking one!
How about shitting?
Use this too.
You...
Don't faint!
And I have to plant a chip inside your brain too.
If it is planted,
the imitating function of your electronic organs will be started.
So, you can change yourself to everything.
According to theory, you may change to everything.
I just want to be myself.
Sure.
So, go ahead and plant it.
I haven't invented that yet.
You?!
Piss on him.
Piss. . .
No...
Piss. . .
No.
Sing, the Japanese triad gang is so powerful here.
And they are cruel.
If they know you are not dead,
they will come again.
So, I will arrange a fake funeral for you tomorrow.
And you have to fly to Hong Kong as soon as possible.
Never come back again.
I can't imagine someone would cry for me!
I will remember that.
Hey, pal...
this building is going to be demolished, why don't you move out?
I will move out soon, I'm going to pack up now.
Better leave as soon as possible.
Are you wet by the rain?
I can't move...
whenever I get wet!
I don't want to be alive!
Stop saying such nonsense! Just add some oil, then you'll be alright.
What have you done to me?
Show me your finger.
Like this.
Stop playing.
I want to piss, please help me.
Alright...
I've taken it out, but it's stepped by you.
I am sorry.
Why do you change a shower?
The old one is stuffed,
so I have to change a new one.
It doesn't work.
It comes out from your ears too! It's stuffed again!
Please blow it dry for me please.
You do it yourself.
Hold it.
Go ahead.
Let's eat.
Your dad is fired today.
This place will be demolished some days later.
We'd better find a shelter in the garden.
By the way, a rapist always shows up in the garden.
He loves raping young man of your age.
Come on, have some of it.
I do want to have a change.
Alright, I will buy you a new battery tomorrow.
Why not buy some drugs.
Let's commit suicide together.
Siu-fu! I am so glad to see you!
Sing, I've found a new job for you.
Really?
To be a biology teacher.
This is the address of the college.
Eight o'clock. I've arranged everything for you.
The salary is over ten thousand dollars.
Siu-fu, I treated you badly in the past, but you're so nice to me!
I...
Don't be silly, let's forget those history.
We're grown up now.
Siu-fu!
Work hard.
Have the change.
Still 50 cents left.
What?
Still 50 cents left.
Are you the teacher here?
Yes.
I'll give you a dollar,
so as to let you call for police.
Good morning, I am the newly employed biology teacher.
I feel something bad.
It's too quiet.
Yeah, what a nice place.
You are too absent minded.
This is called the grave of teachers in Hong Kong.
57% of the teachers here. . .
are hurt and become handicap.
You should pay full attention in class.
In fact, I was a nasty student in school.
My nick name is "Despicable Man".
"Shameless Guy! is my real name.
I have experienced everything!
Stupid. My nick name was "Evil King in Hell".
But now,
I am a poor guy.
Good morning sir.
Good morning.
Good morning sir.
Good girl.
Are you a new comer?
Yes.
Let me show you to the administration office.
Great.
Here you are.
Here? Are you kidding?
Bye bye.
Be careful.
You are really something.
Here is a bit safe.
The most secure place is the most dangerous place.
57% of teachers are seriously hurt,
how about the remained 43%?
23% death.
1 1 % went crazy.
Only 9% can stand great insult and pressure here.
What's wrong with you?
- Sir. - Don't panic,
he is Long Hair. An informer of us,
he comes to pass me some messages.
Oh, an informer needn't wear pants.
Since my identity is disclosed, so they took off my pants.
They said a new teacher would come to work today,
they want him dead.
Are you the new teacher?
I want to have a look then.
I tell you. . .
I was a heartless and animal like. . .
Sir.
What's the matter?
What is your blood type?
Mr. Tang,
the net profit of our international school. . .
has had double increment when comparing with last year's figure.
I'm so glad to present...
such satisfactory figure to the directors' board.
Increase 2 more classes in each grade in next semester.
For school fee, we'll have 50% increment too.
We charge $1 7,000 per month, can they afford that?
The students aren't coming for studying, you know?
Their fathers are all rich guys.
They just want any school's...
record for further studies abroad.
They are willing to pay for that.
That's right.
If we have more satisfactory income next year,
I'll consider to distribute shares.
Well! It's a good idea. . . good idea.
Dad, a teacher was beaten seriously by a student.
Is that true?
We take this educational business.
Right, the students are our clients.
Say the club girls, they have to face the clients with smiling face.
But a club girl won't be beaten by students.
However, they will be screwed by their clients.
Well, just take yourself as a club girl.
I won't!
I'm the club girls' manager.
Manager. . .
Can't you read?
Rats and teachers are not allowed to come in!
Beat him.
I can't go in still.
No.
Help, principal.
Be patient! You will be used to it later.
Help...
Hello.
I am still alive.
Uncle told me that.
Hello... Hello.
Are you the new teacher?
Yes.
Hello.
Do you need my help?
No, I am fine.
How is your teaching?
So far so good.
Are you teaching gardening?
What?
And your shower...
Don't touch, be careful.
Don't you know it's dirty?
OK
Chung Chung.
My friend is coming to pick me up, see you.
Really?
- Bye bye. - Bye bye.
What's wrong with you?
So far so good.
Not bad! So keep on.
If I were you, I would have suicided.
Just do according to your suggestion.
Kidding? What's wrong with it?
I am having more and more power instead!
Shit!
If you are great, let me stay alive even if I jump to death.
I've made it.
You know,
the super chip is invented successfully by me.
At the critical moment,
I placed it into your mouth.
Now, you have become a super superman!
You may maintain the world peace now.
What did you say?
To maintain world peace.
What?
To maintain world peace.
Where are you going?
To destroy the invaders of the 5 planets.
Where are you going?
I am not that great.
I want to suicide.
Listen to me first.
Although you are made of cheap organs.
After having this chip.
The imitating function will be started automatically.
So, your power will be unlimited.
You can change to be everything.
I want to be a cooking pot, may I?
Sure, just think of the cooking pot, then you can make it.
Stop playing, professor, you are not a kid.
Look at the mirror.
What's wrong with it?
Do you believe in it now?
If you want to be human, just think of yourself.
Professor, isn't he my son?
Change back to your original look.
How come?
Don't waste it. . .
Professor, we have rice now,
can he change to be some food?
He is changing...
Bastard, do you want to scare me to death?
I just wanted to brush my teeth, but I become like this.
Cut the crap, change to be a piece of gold.
Sorry, he can be a toothpaste only.
You are not used to that, so limited changes can be made.
But never mind, take a rest,
then you may change back to your original look.
I wasted all my life. . .
And I imput Mrs. Wong's family encyclopedia. . .
into your computer.
So,
you may change to many many funny things.
What are interesting written in Mrs. Wong's book?
Yes. . .
So many wonderful inventions!
Say a toilet, it's modern looking. . .
Enough, let's stop here.
This is toothpaste.
You'd better use another brand.
I use this brand too.
You are foreigner! You can't use it.
Sit down.
Damn!
This is Mr. Black Stone,
an FBI coming from USA.
He hopes you'd be witness. . .
to sue against Fumito of the Japanese triad.
No! I didn't witness him and he wanted to kill me.
I would be dead meat to offend him again.
You have become something instead. . .
of a human being now.
What is worrying you then?
This is your fault! You never give me advantage.
You just imput family appliances...
into my computer.
It would be embarrassing if I am seen by Chung Chung.
Don't worry.
The son of the college's director...
dated her for a proposal.
What?
Dad, squeeze me at once.
I want to die.
What for?
Have you got my permission yet?
Do you know how important you are now?
Only you can become a toothpaste in this world.
If she knows that. . .
she can brush her teeth for free because of you.
She will hug you at once!
And you have to maintain world peace!
But you tell me that you want to suicide!
What'll I do now?
What do you think?
What's wrong?
Where are you now? I am waiting for you.
I am now in a restaurant, honey.
Why don't you come back now?
I will be back soon.
I saw a toothpaste!
What?
A big toothpaste!
Hey.
Cheers.
John always said. . .
you are pretty and cultured.
He is flattering me.
Few years ago, he always teased me for I was wearing glasses.
You have had great change!
After marrying with John, you have to behave well.
We are a tough and decent family.
Why are you so rude? You may scare her.
I am sorry. . .
May I be excused?
Sure.
Thank you.
See, she is scared.
Enter at the back.
What?
Not here! Go through the back stage.
Why?
Aren't you the magician?
I am looking for someone.
Sorry, please help yourself.
Not here!
Hey, watch!
Sorry.
Do you want to peep?
Damn you, bastard!
It's me.
Why do you come to the ladies' toilet?
I want to tell you something.
Just go ahead.
I am different now.
I noticed that.
Zebra, right?
In fact, from now on,
I want to be a decent man!
If yes, you won't come to the ladies' toilet.
I don't have any seat.
My friend is waiting for me.
Do you come for a match?
None of your business.
Not exactly.
If you are a little bit fond of me.
What made you say so?
Two years ago,
you did shed a tear of love in my funeral.
Sorry, I think you've misunderstood.
I will cry even. . .
if I step a cockroach to death, OK?
Chung Chung, I guarantee that,
I am much better than a cockroach now.
- Go in. - I want to piss urgently.
Luckily it's not full.
See, I am really different.
Uncle's research has reached a success!
A real success!
Damn! It's full.
Auntie, are you alright?
I have drunk too much herbal tea to keep fit.
That's why I always want to shit!
What a special toilet!
Yeah...
Leave me alone, or it'll stink!
Go out and have a chat with them.
Good girl.
Chung Chung, let's go for a dance.
Great.
Forget about it.
Madam, do you want to piss or shit?
Shit of course.
You can shit in the basin!
What's the matter?
Auntie.
I was scared by the toilet.
Are you crazy for playing too much mahjong?
It's true...
Go back to your seat first, go!
What's the matter?
My underwear is left behind.
Let's go, no one will notice that.
Yes, go back to your seat.
Ladies and gentlemen, we would like...
to have Mr. R. Billion. . .
to perform magic for us.
Now, the show starts.
Hi.
Hello.
What magic do you know?
I know everything.
Can you make a toothpaste?
Toothpaste?
What a fresh request!
Give my son one more please. Come on.
Can you make such a big toothpaste?
Well!
Can't you make it?
I will fire you.
Wonderful?
Thank you. . .
I am not playing supernatural power.
It's just magic.
I would like an assistant from the audiences.
How about this lady?
No, please let me go.
How about this young man?
- I. . . - Forget it if you don't have any guts.
I do have guts.
Yeah.
Bravo!
You will be a super star!
You mean it.
Damn you!
Bravo!
Honey. . .
Hold me tight...
if you are panic.
It's really funny!
I have been longing for playing parachute!
I am so happy.
Chung Chung, please don't!
I am scared.
You know, it's not good to fool others like that.
I did that for your sake.
I decided to turn a new leaf.
Try to accept me, Chung Chung.
How to show that?
Say, have a date,
a wedding, or reproduce babies.
What do you want to do first?
Crazy guy!
I am considering to have a date first.
Yeah.
From today onwards, no one can yell at me.
Damn you! You haven't paid yet.
Sorry, keep the change please.
Sorry! Sorry!
Let me down!
Run for your life!
Call the police at once!
Those students refuse to take examination, they raise a riot.
Let me down! Hey...
Run! Run for your life!
Do you love playing with water?
I am coming!
Help!
Why don't you study but act like rascals here?
Go back to take the examinations!
Close your eyes and turn back.
The examination starts.
Baldy, you first.
No. . . I don't want examination!
No... I don't want it.
Chinese History quiz, question number one.
Who is the first emperor of Ming Dynasty?
Chun Yuen-chang.
B. Chu Yau Ko.
C. Chu Yan.
Chu Yan.
Wrong! The answer is number A.
Second one: What are the "Five Barbarians"?
Choose the wrong answer among the following answers.
Hun.
Sin-bei.
Chi.
Chiang.
Di.
And Hong Kong.
Chiang!
You fool!
Beat him!
Next: What's the relationship between Yung-chang and Chien Lung?
Chien Lung is the father of Yung-chang.
Chien Lung is the son of Yung-chang.
Chien Lung is the aunt of Yung-chang.
I remember, wait, I remember.
I attended that class.
Think over it carefully, and gain some face for yourself.
B. Chien Lung is the son of Yung-chang.
Yeah.
Bravo!
Cheers!
Baldy, you are a nice boy, you are great.
Let uncle hug you! I love you.
I will study hard!
Me too.
In this month,
You turned the most naughty students to be good.
They have incredible improvement!
It's all because of your great leadership.
Mr. Lee,
you are the superstar of the education field.
Principal, you are great!
Because of this reason,
We can't accept you, a giant,
to teach in our college.
Please find another job.
You are really like a principal.
You are so humorous!
I am not kidding.
You seize the girlfriend from the hand of the director's son.
I can't help you at all.
I see! It's a piece of cake.
Let's have a talk.
Good morning.
Cut the crap, if you want this job,
leave Chung Chung at once.
Wait, you have to pay attention to an important news first.
Go ahead.
In fact, I am. . .
"Terminator III".
What?
That film hasn't been made yet.
It's filmed now.
"Terminator III".
"Jurassic Park IV".
"Jaws V".
I'm bitten!
I love it.
Why do they go crazy?
They have watched too many imported films.
We can't help, the Hong Kong made movies are too poor.
Before the principal got mad, he told me. . .
to take over his place.
I hope you would study hard.
Money is not a matter.
At least you should be respected by others.
Yeah.
Now, you are being respected.
I prefer having money!
Good ball!
Give them a heavy blow!
Come on!
Be careful!
What are you looking at?
Watch mine!
Oh my heart!
Do you want to play ball games here?
This playground is taken care by me.
Have you paid yet?
It's you!
My boss knew that you are still alive.
And you wanted to be the witness against him.
I was terribly scolded.
So, I have to kill you this time.
Don't kill me! Superman!
I become superman, all because of you.
Thank you.
You're welcome. . .
What's up?
Playing basketball.
Playing...
What's wrong with him? Is he dead?
Almost dead!
What's wrong? I am scared.
Don't panic, I am here with you.
How about if you are not around?
Let's stay together forever.
Great...
No...
Forget it, I don't mean it.
What did you say? You'd keep your promise!
Follow me.
It's you!
Did you pay the bail?
Can't you imagine it?
Honey, thank God!
I heard that you sent Mark to Hong Kong.
How's he doing?
He died.
What?
His back bones are broken into 7 pieces.
He couldn't move forever.
But I have 60 million.
60 million?
I made Mark to be. . .
the most powerful robot in the world.
And I imput all details of murdering methods to his brain.
And all details of war games too.
I want the bastard die!
Why do you cry?
My son is now yours, that's why I cry!
Except the lips,
everything of your son are given by me.
But he courted your niece by means of his lips,
so what?
Thank you.
Dad.
My son.
Professor.
Thank you.
Congratulations!
Thank you.
By the way, does your shower work?
It's off.
But I don't know why an octopus is grown!
Octopus?
Help yourself.
Brother Sing.
Siu-fu?
Congratulations!
Today is Brother Sing's big day, I am so happy.
I've fooled you for decades and you are still alive.
I am much more happier!
Thank you.
If not were you,
my eyebrow won't be that smart looking.
Stay back. All of you stay back.
Have a picture first.
Siu-fu hasn't tattooed his eyebrows for ages.
Really?
Yes.
Run!
I want everyone die!
Chung Chung.
I am scared.
Don't panic. Stay calm, don't panic!
Fire.
Great!
Don't come over!
Why are you shot?
Luckily you're a robot! If your head isn't shot, that'll be alright.
Come out! Stop pretending!
Don't you know me?
Answer my question first.
When I took your lesson for the first time,
who was sitting at the 8th seat of the first row?
How can I remember that?
When I count to three, I'll kill you if you can't answer correctly.
One.
Two.
Three!
It's you.
Right!
Sing, are you alright?
Stop pretending!
Answer my question first.
Who was sitting at the 8th seat of the first row. . .
That's you.
You heard my question.
No, I haven't!
I wanna kill you!
I am real, go ahead and question me.
Damn you!
Wait. . .
Let's make it clear first.
Hands off!
Have you seen my wife?
You always bother me when I am having fun!
Go... Hurry up!
I warn you, I hate others disguise me!
Sing.
- Don't go over there. - Sing.
You are just a cheap robot!
You are no match for me.
What's that?
I know it. He will become more powerful when he meets powerful component.
His revenge system is started.
He'll become the most horrible weapon in the supermarket.
You mean condom?
I scare nothing! Even you become napkins!
Kidding?
Mrs. Wong?
Beat him. . .
Mrs Wong's Invincible Robe
You fail!
Yeah!
He is lost.
You are standing inside my stomach! You stupid fool.
You've become a micro wave oven?!
Can't you come out? This micro-wave oven can melt diamond!
Who said family appliances are useless?
It's alright.
No, don't you think it's steak?
He is a robot, you have to cook longer time!
It's done! It'd done!
Bravo!
Damn you Baldy!
Where is he?
Beat him!
No!
How are you? Are you alright?
The robot melted in my stomach! I have a bit stomach ache.
Are you a man or a woman?
Can I marry you?
Octopus!
Don't panic.
I just need a hair cut and we can get married again.
Chung Chung.
Are you Mrs. Wong?
What's the matter?
I want to date you for a movie, or a dinner,
what do you think?
Are you crazy?
I'm considering to have a date with you.
Yeah.